Curiosity Killed the Cat
by Dai Otenba
Summary: Usopp is sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, and with major consequences. [Oneshot] [ZoSan]


Title: Curiosity Killed the Cat

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I in no way own anything related to One Piece. Oda Eiichiro happens to have that honor. I'm just borrowing his characters for my own selfish pleasure. D:

Pairing: Implied Zoro x Sanji

Rating: T

Author Notes: Well, here it is. My first One Piece fanfic. I feel all tingly inside. It's a very exciting moment for me. Prepare for me to cause more terror in another fandom and pairing. I have new victims. :B Yes, I admit it is a rather cliche plot (and lame title), but oh well. I'm taking baby steps into the fandom. Enjoy. \o/

Summary: Usopp is sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, and with major consequences.

* * *

Usopp had been tinkering away at one of his latest inventions on the deck of the Going Merry, hoping it could add at least a few extra minutes to his lifespan in whatever exciting adventure Luffy decided to dive head-first into, when out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a still sleepy-eyed Zoro heading towards the galley.

He had noticed that Zoro was taking more and more trips to the galley over the past few weeks, which usually wouldn't bring up a single question since he assumed the swordsman was grabbing a drink. However, whereas usually he'd just enter, grab a bottle and exit, he began to stay inside and drink.

And sometimes, Sanji just so happened to be in there at the same time.

Now, the first few times Zoro was usually kicked out after saying something he shouldn't have or eating/drinking something he had no right tasting, but soon he stopped getting kicked out. No one dared try and sneak a peak while the two were in there, let alone snoop around. Luffy had been bored one day and wondered why it was so quiet around the ship when, while he stood right in front of the galley door for a few seconds he was knocked over the railing by that same door, a furious Zoro yelling a few curses at an equally angry Sanji. That had been five weeks ago though, and nothing like it had happened again.

When Zoro did not exit the galley after a few more minutes, Usopp assumed he had decided once again to drink inside.

He hoped for Zoro's sake that Sanji would not return from his as-of-yet unsuccessful search for Nami and Robin anytime soon. They had left before the smoker was able to deliver his special fruit cocktails to the two women and he had to fight off Luffy for a good ten minutes to keep him from trying out the 'fruit juice'.

He also hoped that Zoro would quickly find out they had unfortunately run out of any type of alcoholic beverage. At least any he could get his hands on.

He craned his head when a familiar stream of smoke and slow footsteps began to drift closer and closer to the galley. Quickly ducking his head down towards the mass of wood and metal at his feet, attempting to look busy when the cook almost made eye contact with him. He sucked in a quick breath when he heard the galley door open and close. It took him ten seconds to get close to the door (though as close as he could get without being near the kill-zone) as quietly but quickly as possible. Curiosity was just taking the best of him at that moment and he couldn't hold back.

He pressed his ear next to the wall. The two had already begun talking

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah right. Put that back where it belongs, idiot."

'Put what back?' Usopp wondered. There was no beer, not that he knew of. Maybe Zoro had decided to be bold and raid the blond's collection of expensive wine? But he couldn't be that desperate; besides, Zoro hated that stuff.

"Listen shitty swordsman. I'm in a bad mood right now, so it would be in your best interests to leave."

"Sheesh. What crawled up your ass and died? Don't have to be a little bitch about it, shitty cook."

"Out. Now."

Usopp broke out into a sweat. He could practically feel the tension seeping out from the walls, it was just building up more and more. It wasn't going to be pretty in there anytime soon.

A loud, frustrated sigh. "I'm not saying this again; put that away, and get out."

"Yeah, whatever."

Then, a flurry of footsteps. He pressed his ear into the wood more.

"Hey, wait a minute! Damnit you marimo, watch it! You're gonna-"

"I can do it myself!"

'What's going on? Are they fighting?'

"No fucking way! Put it where it belongs-no, not- Shit! Be careful! Shitty marimo, what are you-"

Shuffling footsteps. Glass breaking. Flurry of curses blending into each other with no sign of where one ends and another begins. A lot of 'shits' though.

Usopp pulled away from the wall quickly, staring at it in confusion. He pressed against it again.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"shitshityoufuckingshitheadi'llfuckingknockyourheadofffuckshitfuck-"

"I'm guessing not. Come on, it's not that bad."

"SHUT UP! Ahh, it hurts. Bastard, you are so dead-" Low whine of pain. "GET OFF ME!"

'Huh?!' His eyes widened. That was... weird.

"Just let me see-"

"No, get back you shithead! You'll only make it wor-aah... Nnn..." Silence.

Usopp pulled away, then placed his back flat against the wall heaving in breath. The side of his face reunited with the wall two seconds later.

More curses, though lower in tone. More silence.

"Looks pretty deep."

"Why the hell are you looking?!"

Mouth gaped open in shock.

'WHAT?!'

A few more whines of pain. Even more silence.

Until Usopp gulped, which made him jump. Only a little though.

"Move." Someone, probably Sanji, hissed out.

"Huh?"

Usopp could feel his stomach twisting into knots.

"I.Said.MOVE."

"Whoa, keep your panties on. I was just-"

"What you should do is MOVE. ...fucking... hurts..."

Usopp almost yelled out, "Do what he says!" when he slapped both his hands over his mouth.

"Wait."

Suddenly, a loud shriek that Usopp had heard many a time when Sanji was unlucky enough to discover a stray spider lurking around their sleeping quarters late at night erupted forth from the galley. His 'I-shouldn't-be-listening-to-this' illness kicked in and he was dashing off towards... well, anywhere that was not within earshot of Zoro and Sanji. Or eyeshot. Or thoughtshot.

He didn't dare bother to take a second glance behind him, missing an incredibly infuriated and red-faced cook bursting out the galley door, leaving behind a very unconscious swordsman behind him.

No one knew why Usopp dared not descend from the crow's nest (and was absolutely adamant that someone other than Sanji or Zoro bring up his food when it was time to eat) for the rest of the day and decided to take up watch that night.

No one knew why there was an array of broken glass on the galley floor that had been left there up until dinner time.

No one knew why there was a stark white bandage wrapped around Sanji's left hand.

And Sanji did not know why Zoro had assumed saliva was a good disinfectant.


End file.
